Clients · 3 minute read · Article and script
How to Ask Questions or Pause During EMDR
Understand what EMDR involves and prepare simple words for questions, preferences, or a pause.
Educational information, not a diagnosis or individualized treatment plan. The sample wording below is original and can be adapted or skipped. It is not a standardized therapy protocol.
You do not have to arrive at therapy knowing the right words. A useful part of preparing for EMDR is deciding how you and your therapist will communicate when something feels unclear, uncomfortable, or too much.
Understand the treatment before starting
EMDR is a structured psychotherapy used to treat PTSD. It involves more than watching a moving object. Assessment, preparation, work with distressing memories, and checking the effects of treatment are part of the process. Your therapist should explain the proposed approach and discuss whether it fits your needs. The VA describes EMDR as an evidence-based PTSD treatment, while noting that working with upsetting experiences can involve discomfort.
Learning about the method is different from trying to process memories alone. A video, app, or worksheet cannot assess your readiness or respond to your individual reactions. Use this page to prepare a conversation with a qualified clinician, not to begin trauma processing by yourself.
Make a communication plan together
Before memory work, ask what a pause would look like. For example: would you raise a hand, say a short word, or use another signal? Ask how the therapist will respond and how you will decide whether to continue, change direction, or end that part of the session. You can also mention hearing, vision, sensory, movement, language, or accessibility preferences.
There is no need to rehearse a detailed account of what happened in order to ask these questions. A practical opening might be: “Before we start, I want to understand how I can tell you I need something different.”
Original phrases you can borrow
- “Could you explain what we are doing next and why?”
- “I can tell you the general concern, but I’m not ready to describe details yet.”
- “I need a pause. Please help me work out what would be useful right now.”
- “I’m having trouble finding words. Can we slow the conversation down?”
- “That suggestion does not feel comfortable for me. What other options do we have?”
These phrases are invitations to collaborate, not a test you must pass. If speaking is difficult, bring a short note or discuss another communication method in advance. You may choose different wording that sounds more like you.
Before you leave
Ask what to do if you feel unsettled later, how to contact the practice, and what support is available outside appointments. Clarify the limits of messaging and emergency availability. A plan should be understandable enough that you can explain it back in your own words.
If a suggested activity increases distress, say so and stop that activity rather than pushing through on your own. Needing an adjustment is information for treatment planning. For a broader introduction, visit what to expect from EMDR, or ask about an initial consultation without submitting detailed personal history.